Welcome to the Acolytes!
by ColdFusion180
Summary: The Acolytes finally get a new member. And they give him a welcome he will never forget. Oh boy...


**Welcome to the Acolytes!**

Mastermind sighed as he rose from his seat. It had been less than an hour after he had finished altering Wanda's memories and Magneto had brought the large metal sphere they were all in back to the main Acolyte base. The sphere was actually a smaller component of the complete base; certain large sphere-shaped rooms or modules were connected by passages and hallways which allowed specialized areas to be taken on trips to establish a temporary headquarters when operating in remote locations. This last trip had required Magneto to create a site so that no one would be able to find his real base in case anyone had accompanied Wanda or she had told someone where she was going.

As the large metal sphere settled into place Magneto covered it with other metal sheets, disguising it as part of a large warehouse which was the cover of the Acolyte base. One of the principles of secrecy Magneto had followed was to hide in plain sight.

"Well that went well," Remy said as the Acolytes walked down a hallway towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, and we didn't even need to fight anyone," Pyro commented.

"The objective was completed," Magneto walked into the kitchen and got a bottle of water. "Mastermind finished his job. Now with that liability out of the way I can concentrate on more important matters."

"I am glad to have been of service," Mastermind bowed his head. "Now that I am done I'll be catching the first plane back to Italy and…"

"You're not going anywhere," Magneto cut him off.

"What?" Mastermind looked at him.

"You're staying here," Magneto told him.

"That was not part of the agreement!" Mastermind protested. "You said that I could leave after…"

"I said no such thing," Magneto glared. "I said I had a job for you. Now that it is accomplished you are staying in case you didn't do as good a job as you claim. And having a telepath around may be useful in the future."

"But…" Mastermind stuttered.

"You seem to be under the impression that you have a choice. So let me be blunt," Magneto grabbed Mastermind and glared down at him. "You are staying here. Understood?"

"Yes sir," Mastermind gulped.

"Good." Magneto tossed Mastermind onto a stool and turned to the other Acolytes. "Show him a room and familiarize him with the base and our methods of operation," Magneto ordered as he turned and left the room.

"Well, tough luck about not being able to go back home," Remy gazed at Mastermind slumped on his stool.

"I know what that is like," Piotr sympathized.

"What have I gotten into?" Mastermind moaned.

"A rough situation. So deal with it," Sabertooth grunted.

"Hey, wait! If he's gonna be hanging around here from now on, doesn't that mean he's a new recruit?" Pyro asked.

"Yes, I believe it does," Remy grinned.

"That means you must become an Acolyte, mate," Pyro said to Mastermind.

"Acolyte? Is that what you call yourselves?" Mastermind asked.

"Yes, among other things," Piotr shrugged.

"Not so fast, _homme_," Remy cut in. "You don't become an Acolyte just like that. You gotta fit the qualifications first."

"Qualifications? There are actually qualifications to meet around here?" Mastermind blinked.

"Well we were bored one day and knocked together a list in case Mags ever got around to getting some more recruits and here you are!" Pyro chirped as Remy dug into his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. Pyro quickly grabbed it. "Now Acolyte candidate, state your name or codename or desired codename and powers."

"What?" Mastermind gaped.

"Answer the question," Sabertooth growled.

"Okay," Mastermind gulped. "My codename is Mastermind and I'm a telepath."

"I see," Pyro took out a pencil and jotted down some notes.

"Elaborate," Remy prompted.

"Well, I can make illusions when people are in close proximity to me," Mastermind explained. "I can rearrange memories and alter thoughts. And I can read minds, but usually I have to make physical contact with someone."

"Hmmm," Pyro took more notes. "Give us an example."

"Alright," Mastermind stared at Pyro and his eyes glowed white.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Pyro shot up and cowered in a corner. "THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"

"What did you do?" Piotr gasped at Mastermind.

"I just made him see a few pineapples," Mastermind blinked in confusion.

"Oh no," Remy groaned.

"NOT THE PINEAPPLES! EVIL PINEAPPLES! KEEP THEM AWAY! KEEP THEM AWAY!" Pyro screamed as he fled the room.

"What was all that about?" Mastermind asked.

"Trust me, you do not want to know," Piotr said.

"Moving on," Remy picked up the discarded sheet of paper. "Now, have you been bribed, threatened, or blackmailed by Magneto into staying as part of his team?"

"Yes, you just witnessed that," Mastermind spat.

"Good," Remy nodded. "Finally, do you have any artistic talent?"

"What?" Mastermind blinked.

"Hey if you want to be an Acolyte you got to have some sort of artistic talent," Remy explained. "Piotr here paints and sketches. Pyro writes novels and poetry. I do a little kite making."

"What does he do?" Mastermind pointed at Sabertooth.

"Uh, it might be better if you did not know," Piotr spoke up.

"Okay," Mastermind blinked.

"So do you have any artistic skills?" Remy asked.

"Well I have done a little sculpting," Mastermind admitted.

"What kind?" Piotr asked.

"Stone cutting, though I have done a little wood carving," Mastermind explained.

"Interesting," Piotr noted.

"Can you prove this? Show us some samples of your work?" Remy asked.

"Uh, no," Mastermind replied.

"Good enough," Sabertooth shrugged.

"Well, that does it for the qualifications and I'm pleased to say you've meet them all," Remy clasped his hands. "Now we move on to the initiation rites."

"Initiation rites?" Mastermind repeated. "Wait just a minute…"

"Are you trying to weasel out of them?" Sabertooth growled and stood behind Mastermind.

"Uh no," Mastermind gulped. "I just wanted to get prepared first."

"Oh you'd better be prepared alright," Remy grinned.

"DIE EVIL PINEAPPLES! BURN! BURN! BURN! HAHAHAHAHA!" Pyro was heard laughing as he set things on fire.

"Piotr go stop Pyro and drag him down to the first rite," Remy groaned.

"Okay," Piotr armored up and went after Pyro.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Mastermind protested as he, Remy, and Sabertooth left the kitchen and started to walk down the hall. "Where are we going? What's the first initiation rite? Hello?"

* * *

"This is good," Remy grinned as he watched Mastermind going through the first rite.

"Let's see him make illusions to get out of this," Sabertooth snickered.

"Man it's a lot funnier when you're not the one going through it!" Pyro laughed, having calmed down from his brief pineapple episode.

"Shouldn't we have told him what to expect for this?" Piotr asked.

"Naw, we didn't have much warning. Why should he?" Remy shrugged.

The four Acolytes stared down from the control booth into the Training Dome where Mastermind was doing his best not to die.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH! I HATE BUZZSAWS! YEEOOOWWW! FIRE! FIRE! **BIG** FIRE! NOOOOO! NOT THE LASERS! OW! OW! OW! OW! YIKES! THOSE CAN'T BE REAL BEARS CAN THEY?! AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH! WHAT?! WHO EVER HEARD OF GIANT ELECTRIC RAZORS?! AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"How long has he been in there?" Piotr asked.

"About fifteen minutes. We'll give him a little more time," Remy said.

"Great! Does anyone want more popcorn?" Pyro asked holding up an empty bag.

"Get me another deli meat," Sabertooth ordered while gulping down the remains of his last one.

"GET THESE WOODCHUCKS OFF ME! YEEOOOWWWW! DON'T BITE ME **THERE**! OW! OW! OW! GREAT WHERE DID THOSE MISSILES COME FROM?! AAAAHHHHHHHH! NO NOT THE GIANT BEES! OW! OW! OW! THE STINGS! THE STINGS! OH FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE WHERE'S A LAKE WHEN YOU NEED ONE?!"

"Well since he asked so nicely," Remy typed on the control board.

"THERE'S ONE! THANK GOODNESS! HEY WHAT THE…**SHARKS**! NOT THE SHARKS! HELP! MOMMY! SAVE ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

"Congratulations on passing the first initiation rite," Remy said as he stood with the other Acolytes in the infirmary.

"Ohhhh," Mastermind moaned as he lay sprawled on a med table while Piotr wrapped bandages around his arms and torso.

"How do ya feel?" Pyro asked.

"Like a squashed, burned, shredded piece of meat," Mastermind groaned.

"Great! You're in relatively good condition," Remy shrugged. "Want some water?"

"I want to die," Mastermind moaned.

"Sorry, Magneto hasn't given you permission. Here's some aspirin," Pyro shook out a few pills from a bottle and popped them into Mastermind's drooping mouth. "Magneto always keeps a ton of aspirin around. Don't have a clue why."

"I hate my life," Mastermind groaned.

"Don't worry. We'll give you an hour to recover, then off to the next rite," Remy said.

"No, not another one," Mastermind weakly protested.

"Hey, the next one should be easy," Pyro grinned.

* * *

"This initiation rite has two parts. First, you must cook a dish," Remy explained to Mastermind.

"You've got to be kidding," Mastermind groaned as he stood in the kitchen wearing a large chef's hat and apron. The other Acolytes were spread around the room.

"Nope. If you're gonna be an Acolyte, you gotta be able to cook," Remy explained.

"We all take turns cooking meals, usually for dinner," Piotr said.

"Even if you can't cook well you gotta give it a shot," Pyro added.

"Oh great," Mastermind groaned as he flipped through a large cookbook.

"We'll be waiting in the dining room," Remy said as the Acolytes left the kitchen, leaving a very sore and confused Mastermind behind.

"I don't believe this," Mastermind moaned as he began to cook.

* * *

"He has been in there for over two hours," Piotr noted as he sat at the dining table and sketched.

"I just checked with him five minutes ago. He said it'd be ready soon," Remy replied while finishing another game of Solitaire.

Just then the doors to the kitchen opened and Mastermind emerged carrying a plate with a lumpy loaf of bread on it. He set the plate on the table. "Alright, there's my dish."

"Bread?" Pyro blinked while poking the loaf with a knife. "It took you two hours to make a bloody loaf of bread?"

"Look, I've never had to cook before okay?" Mastermind snapped as he grabbed his chef hat and threw it on the table. "Now let's move on to the next stupid rite and get this all over with."

"Not so fast _homme_," Remy stopped Mastermind from leaving. "Now comes the second part of the rite. You must sample your dish."

"What?" Mastermind blinked.

"It's a rule around here. You make it, you eat it," Pyro said.

"Whatever the cook makes, the cook eats," Piotr added.

"Even him?" Mastermind pointed to Sabertooth.

"Well, technically yeah," Remy shrugged.

"Technically?" Mastermind blinked.

"Just eat the bread," Sabertooth ordered.

"Right," Mastermind gulped as he broke off a small piece of bread and ate it. Then his hands flew to his mouth as he started to gag. "MMMMFFFFF!"

"Oh boy," Remy rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Hey ya know any kind of bread that's supposed to be purple in the middle?" Pyro asked pointing to the loaf of bread.

"No," Piotr blinked as he took a closer look at the loaf.

"BLUUUAAAHHH!" Mastermind quickly grabbed his discarded chef's hat, turned it upside-down and proceeded to empty his stomach into it.

"So much for getting authentic Italian food around here," Remy sighed.

"Too bad," Pyro shook his head.

Mastermind finished gagging and looked up with his face a little green. "Ohhhh…"

"Well at least you shouldn't get sick for this next rite," Remy said as Mastermind slumped into a chair. Remy examined the sheet of paper listing the rites. "Let's see, what's next...ah got it. Now you gotta go fight with the X-Men and Brotherhood, but not necessarily at the same time."

"The who?" Mastermind gasped.

"Wait, he already had a short skirmish with the ones called Toad and Nightcrawler," Piotr pointed out.

"Even though he got his butt kicked," Sabertooth chuckled.

"Good enough," Remy noted. "Well in that case, for the next rite you must dress in a bikini and do a hula dance…"

"WHAT?!" Mastermind shouted.

"Oops! Sorry about that!" Remy looked at Mastermind innocently. "We came up with that one in case Magneto got any female recruits."

"Oh geeze," Mastermind groaned.

"Ah here we are! The last rite," Remy looked up. "Piotr and Sabertooth will get you ready while Pyro and I have a little chat."

"What?" Mastermind protested as Sabertooth grabbed him and headed out the door.

"And believe me, it's gonna be the toughest by far," Remy called after him.

* * *

"This is it?" Mastermind blinked as he, Piotr and Sabertooth stood in the garage. "You want me to ride a motor scooter?"

"More or less," Piotr nodded as he stood behind a small red motor scooter.

"Well at least I've driven one of these things before," Mastermind grumbled as he slipped on a helmet. "So where do you want me to drive to?"

"Oh you won't be driving," Sabertooth grinned an evil grin taking out some rope and duct tape.

"Hey! What are you doing with that…HEY!" Mastermind yelped as Piotr easily picked him up and deposited him into the passenger seat of the motor scooter. Piotr held Mastermind still as Sabertooth secured him to the seat with the rope and duct tape.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Mastermind struggled to free himself from his bonds but was fastened securely. "Unless you want me to mess with your minds you'll tell me what's going on!"

"You'd better save that for yourself. After this you'll want to wipe your own mind," Sabertooth chuckled and folded his arms.

"Oh boy!" Pyro and Remy entered the garage with Pyro wearing a motor helmet. "This is great! You're really gonna let me give Mastermind a tour of the city?"

"Yep," Remy grinned. "And we got this motor scooter especially for the both of you!"

"Wow!" Pyro chirped as he eagerly leapt into the driver's seat. "This is so cool! But can't we have a motorcycle instead?"

"**_NO!_**" The other Acolytes yelled at him.

"Aw, too bad. Well this is gonna be fun! Ready Mastermind?" Pyro asked as he started the engine.

"What kind of rite is this?" Mastermind yelped as he started to shake in fear.

"The worst kind," Remy grinned as he waved at him. "Have fun, take your time, and try to be in at least one piece when you get back."

"WHAT?! PYRO DON'T YOU DARE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mastermind screamed as Pyro revved the engine and tore out of the garage leaving a burning trail of fire in his wake.

"Sucker!" Sabertooth roared.

"That is the cruelest thing we have ever done," Piotr shook his head.

"Hey, you really think he should be spared the agony and fear of riding with Pyro?" Remy asked him.

"Not really, no," Piotr shrugged. "But what will we do in the meantime?"

"What else?" Remy said as they started back into the base. "Wait in the Control Room and hope they come back alive."

* * *

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Mastermind screamed as Pyro tore through Bayville. "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND NEWSPAPER DISPENSERS?! THAT'S THE TWENTIETH ONE YOU'VE HIT! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NEWSPAPER DISPENSERS IN THIS TOWN?! GET OFF THE SIDEWALK! NO DON'T JUMP THOSE CARS! RED LIGHT! RED LIGHT! AAAAHHHHHHHH! KEEP BOTH WHEELS ON THE ROAD! WATCH OUT FOR THE BUS! SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN! MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A SPEED LIMIT IS?! TURN LEFT! TURN LEF…**NOT THROUGH THE MALL**! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! WALL! WALL! **NOT UP THE ELEVATOR SHAFT! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO RIDE A MOTORSCOOTER UP AN ELEVATOR SHAFT?!** GAAAAAA! NOT THE ROOF! DON'T YOU DARE THINK OF JUMPING…AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

* * *

"What are you three doing?" Magneto entered the large Control Room of the Acolyte base and saw Remy, Piotr and Sabertooth lounging around some of the monitors.

"We're waiting for Mastermind and Pyro to get back," Sabertooth grunted.

"Get back from what? Pyro knows he's not supposed to go anywhere," Magneto glared.

"Easy boss. We're just initiating Mastermind into becoming an Acolyte and he's finishing the last rite," Remy explained.

"What last rite?" Magneto asked.

"He has to ride with Pyro driving a motor scooter," Piotr said.

"WHAT?!" Magneto yelped. "Why did you maniacs let Pyro drive a motor scooter?! Where did you get a motor scooter for him to drive?!"

"Uh, I 'borrowed' one when we came up with the list of initiation rites and we hid it from Pyro so he wouldn't use it before hand," Remy admitted.

"Oh no," Magneto groaned.

"Hey, wanna enter the pool?" Sabertooth asked.

"Pool? What pool?" Magneto blinked.

"The pool on how Mastermind and Pyro are gonna get back," Remy explained. "I'm betting they're gonna crash through the roof, Piotr has them crashing through a window or wall, and Sabertooth thinks neither of them are coming back alive."

"How long have they been gone," Magneto asked.

Piotr glanced at a readout. "Forty minutes."

"Put me down for twenty on coming up through the floor," Magneto said.

"Gotcha," Remy grinned.

SSMMAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHH!

Pyro, Mastermind and the remains of the motor scooter shattered a high part of a wall and came crashing down to the floor, hitting it hard and skidding until they came to a rest.

"Crud," Sabertooth swore as he, Remy and Magneto dug out some bills and handed them to Piotr.

"Boy that was fun!" Pyro laughed as he picked himself up and brushed away some debris. "Ya gotta love it! What did ya think of that Masty?"

"Ah…ooo…eee…uh…" Mastermind was frozen stiff in fear.

"I think he had an eventful time Pyro," Remy blinked at Mastermind's stricken form.

"Too bad the motor scooter's cactus," Pyro sighed glancing at the poor doomed wreck of a scooter.

"Thank goodness," Magneto muttered.

Piotr bent over Mastermind and waved a hand in front of his face. "I think he is broken."

"Don't worry, he'll come out of it eventually," Remy waved.

"Wonder how long it will take?" Piotr stood up.

"Well let's see," Remy grinned leaning back in his chair. "I've got twenty saying he'll be up screaming in two hours…"

* * *

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Mastermind shot up and wildly looked around at his surroundings. He had been moved and placed on a couch in the recreation room.

"Time?" Remy asked Piotr. The Acolytes had been spread around the room waiting for Mastermind to snap back.

"One hour and fifty four minutes," Piotr reported.

"Yes! Pay up gentlemen," Remy grinned as he collected his winnings.

"What the…where…" Mastermind sputtered.

"Relax Mastermind. You are back at the base," Magneto sighed.

"Unfortunately," Sabertooth grunted.

"And you passed the last initiation rite," Remy said as the Acolytes came over and surrounded Mastermind.

"You…you **knew** that would happen?!" Mastermind shrieked.

"Hey, easy _homme_. We've all had to go through it," Remy held up his hands.

"Consider yourself lucky that you rode **on** the scooter," Sabertooth growled.

"Yeah, everyone has to have the experience of riding on a motor scooter or motorcycle," Pyro laughed. "And we always have a great old time!"

"Right," Remy rolled his eyes.

"But that is over," Piotr helped Mastermind stand up. "Now you are officially an Acolyte."

"Hooray!" Remy and Pyro cheered.

Sabertooth clasped Mastermind's hand and shook it vigorously. "_Congratulations, bub._"

"_You've joined the club_," Remy added. "_Passed all the initiation rights_."

"_We're the finest mutant team that you've ever seen_," The Acolytes sang. "_Welcome to the Acolytes!_"

"_An international crowd from all around! Never wear spandex or tights!_" Remy and Pyro grabbed Mastermind and spun him around.

"_Got lotsa grub to share!_" Pyro sang.

"_Pull up an easy chair!_" Remy plopped Mastermind into a chair.

"_Welcome to the Acolytes!_" The Acolytes sang and danced.

"These people are nuts," Mastermind groaned.

"_Always have an extra ace!_" Remy grinned and held out said card.

"_We can cook to suit your tastes!_" Pyro highlighted his face with flames.

"_Hanging out around the base_!" Piotr sang.

"_A place that you can call home!_" Sabertooth noted.

"_Don't die in the Training Dome!_" Pyro warned.

"Oh, I hate my life," Mastermind groaned.

"_Using up our pay, day after day! Not to mention on a few wild_ _nights__!_" The Acolytes sang.

"_A word about keeping sane! It's hard to maintain!_" Remy warned.

"_Welcome to the Acolytes!" _The Acolytes sang and danced.

"Do they always do this?" Mastermind stared in shock at the spectacle before him.

"Yes," Magneto groaned in embarrassment. "You'd be surprised how often stuff like this happens."

"_Welcome to the Acolytes!"_ The Acolytes sang and danced.

"Though I have to admit, it's somewhat contagious," Magneto looked at Mastermind. "_Together we're the perfect team!_"

"_Aaaah!_" The Acolytes swayed.

"_Possessors of the X-Gene!_" Magneto sang.

"_Aaaah!_"

"_Working towards my ultimate dream!_"

"_Aaaah!_"

"_Wearing sharp attire, setting things on fire!_" Pyro laughed while burning a nearby chair to ashes.

The Acolytes slowly advanced on Mastermind. "_As an honorary member of the gang, be prepared for scuffles, brawls and fights!_"

"_Ya gotta snatch and sneak_!" Remy stole Mastermind's wallet.

"_Or else your future's bleak!_" Sabertooth growled.

"_You got a lifetime contract that your bound to keep!_" Piotr warned.

"_You wanna save your skin, you better fit right in!_" The Acolytes sang. "_Wel-wel-welcome to the, wel-wel-welcome to the, AAAAAA…COOOOOO…LYYYYYYTES!_"

"Why have I gotten myself into?" Mastermind groaned.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Welcome to the Forty Thieves". Pyro's fear of pineapples comes from Red Witch.**


End file.
